What a rather strange title. Once loved always loved. For this, i am not going to say who was my last crush nor who has a crush on me but what i feel for my relatives.
I just lost someone maybe not close to me but never fails to lecture me to a higher level of life. I am feeling helpless and maybe lost in my own world. At this point of time, i am not going to have any regrets like" how i wish i could spent more time with her" that kind but i am just going let myself step out of this. The mood i am currently having is just the same as the time my smallest aunt got married. She is my favourite and i don't want her to leave the circle. For her, i took around a month to accept the reality but this time, i doubt a month is enough.
Crying to me is just easy as anything but i cannot even shed one tear when i received the news yesterday. I don't know why!!! I woke up every single hour and had difficulties coaxing myself to bed again. I am feeling afraid which i could not put any reason to it. Perhaps it is the first time in my life i am facing funeral. The first time in my life i am not suppose to celebrate any festive season. The first time i am losing someone close to me. The first time where there is no one for me when i need help.
I know Buddy will be always there for me but i cannot always depend on him. This would be unfair for him. As for ZD, i cannot always pour my troubles on him, when he didn't bother me with all his displeases. I am really feeling helpless but this kind of helpless is what i want to carry myself. I seriously wish that no one would interfere unless i turned for help.
