SYF is nearing. In fact it has landed its footsteps. That kind of feeling, hoping to get a really good result. To put it simpler, what i dread to have is that kind of disappointment. The feeling of" it just slipped past" which occurred to me two years ago. My one and only chance of SYF and yet i somehow feel that i screwed it up. Everyone said that it is a gold; a solid one. However, we were being awarded with only a silver. So what it happens to be a high one. It is only a silver. That kind of disappointment is really hard to describe. It feels as though you had something really nice but in fact it was only a illusion.
My junior told me that they can get a gold for SYF'09. The confidence is written on her face. The confidence that gold is surely their. I am so afraid. So afraid that the same thing may happen again. I don't want them to be disappointed like what i was two years back but i don't feel good to mark them down. They spent lots of effort!!! I feel that a third party. All i can do perhaps all is asked of me is just to listen and do nothing. But i can't. My heart still goes for it; the feeling just keeps going.
I somehow feel that my presence is not required in band. I think is really time that i let go of everything. Everything that i once possessed. Though it hurts but it soon fade. Most of a time i feel hurt going back to band. Everyone just do their stuff and i may appear as to disturb them and their activities. This is also why i rarely go up to the third level when i go back for tutorial. I don't know why, hope that i am thinking too much due to the free time i have.
Whatever it is, i am going to go SCH to support them. I did reserve a ticket for myself but Mr KKS feels that i should queue up an hour earlier before the competition starts so as to recruit more alumni!!! In another words, i have to be there by 1330 which is freaking early. In order to present myself on time, i need to leave my place by 1230 which is an hour earlier. There goes all my slacking time and sleeping time. I jolly well hope that it would be fun.
What seems touchable in fact is unreachable...
