I was feeling so stressful today!! I wondered why? Everything turned out so bad. First, in band.
I am a leader and i should set good example. I was late today again and i made Jiaying they all to be late together with me.( Always late is not setting a good example!!)I was so guilty. I really wanted to do something to "rescue" them. This made me so moody.
I had spent my weekend for scores thingy which i mention before and what i get in the end?? No one appreciated my work!! I really don't want to bother already. If you all want to change all the scores, by all means go ahead. I am NOT going to stop you. If you all think you can do better than me, I am very glad to let you have my place.
Not rearranging your seats is my fault. I was slow in my work causing my members to be scolded by sir. But since i received orders for you to change your places, then CHANGE!! Acting blur doesn't help in anything. If sir's instruction is not clear, ask him again!! Don't give me that don't understand face. I am NOT going to help you. Your post is higher than me, you can't expect me to help you. What i talked to my members i don't need to tell you. My responsibility is not telling or answering you what had i done!! I am NOT your SECRETARY!! I had took all those jobs which are NOT inside my requirement. In another word, I am doing what is not require of me; i have done too much!!
Why am i taking so hard on myself?? Because i can't bear to see the whole section ruined. I don't want the section to die in my hands. Since my hard works are not appreciated, i might as well not do!!
Next, at home. I know all of you love Eunice. But the time was only 6.40PM. I still could fetch her later from her childcare!! ( Childcare closed at 7PM) Why must you yelled at me when i chose to fetch her later?? Picking her up is NOT my responsibility!! I only pity my aunt thus i volunteered to help. Now people are taking me for granted!! I hate that!!
I had kept lots of things to myself!! If you still think my temper is bad, think twice!! When is the last time you saw me throwing temper at home?? When is the last time you saw me cry??
It has been long!! I had control my temper and tears really well!! From what i wrote above, I can conclude that you all don't know me well!! You don't even try to understand me!! If you think you are doing the right thing, you are very wrong!!
Thanks to all of you, I am feeling despondent about life!!
I'm loved
I'm bliss
~14 november
Am i controlling too tight??
Do you have the room to breathe??
Are you stress with me??
I am like this because i love you too much!!
